I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
