New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
