3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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