Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
