She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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