Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
