just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
