This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
