I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
