it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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