Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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