Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
