my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
