I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I didn't notice because vodka
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
