I'm gonna have a badass scar
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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