I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
