I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
