I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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