i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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