Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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