Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
