a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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