Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
