I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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