Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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