On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
