using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
