Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
