I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
