Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
