You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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