i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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