my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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