i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
