Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
