Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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