She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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