OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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