My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
is that a dick in a sweater?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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