How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
