He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Let's get the cat blown out
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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