To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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