Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
