Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
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