i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
