Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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