Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
