she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
