so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Drunk is not a location!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
