I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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