some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
